this night...

this night-----
you know those nights
where it is just depressing
there is this low point that you reach--
you see--
and it can't be gotten out of

there we were, out hands so. so. close.
i just couldn't do it
it's not that i am attached to him
not when it comes to reality
but i still feel this pull

that almost tangible quality in
his eyes
that rippled down to his hand
in mine. resting on my leg

its not like i spend every night
thinking, writing, listening like this
i really don't

just when i find i don't know what
to do
or say
i vanish into memories of you

there is an odd sort of comfort
in this place
the kind that keeps you lonely
and alive
not in a living--but a breathing--sort of a sense

the long,anticipated kind
it keeps the blood flowing
oxygen and carbon dioxide
trading places
until i wake up-

both are a piece of this system
both have their part to play
one to bring in--the other out.
both keep this carbon skin running
at least
this night.