treasure map

(I am still editing this but I was excited to get it up, I really like where it is going.)


it was after you said 17
when i realized
i wanted to make you a treasure map.


to crumple the paper in my hands
twist it around
wring it out
crushing
feeling the fibers push against my fingertips
until it was as soft as your sheets.


i imagined it a work of innocence
like the maps made for history projects and
middle school presentations
flick on the lighter and smell
the burning paper.


but you were stuck on a picture 
of twisted metal crunched under gravity
broken bones
a lost soul
the shattered stereo
and the vivid orange bushes
i found it on the inside of your fridge
solidified
the frozen ink gazing up mockingly.


i drew black stippled lines
around trees
over seesaws 
and across the ice rink
i expected a lot
i thought you would think more of me
by making it all worth it
i thought i was worth it.


your morning growl and wet 
'ihopeyouhaveagoodday' 
kiss
today was the day
i left the map on your dresser
i wanted you to love surprises
i wanted you to love adventure 
i wanted you to love what you had been missing
i wanted you to love you.


inside your fridge
under the layers of icicled ink
and fragile paper
X marked the spot.


there was a beauty lost underneath
under the sun-soaked bushes
and shattered cd's stained by blood
this beauty still breathed
i only wanted to give you a map 
to prove
it was still alive.


the paper flaked
its fiery-black edges forgotten
long lost  in your carpet 
and under the door
they swirled like flies 
picked up by the wind
carrying more than dreams 
but less than life


and leaving you staring at your fridge
wondering why your picture was taped
inside.